Where does the time go?

Wow.  It’s hard to believe it’s been almost a YEAR since I last posted.  WHAT have I been doing?  Well, very little tarot, and that is a shame. 😦

Let’s see… yep, still working.  I’ve come to the conclusion that I just may never get everything done.  It’s discouraging, but I’m learning to live with the feeling of always feeling behind.  I don’t like it, there’s just not much I can do about it right now.  And to make matters worse, we just fired the other accountant I was working with, although she is some of the reason I’m so behind.  She just wasn’t doing her job, and what she was getting done was always very late.  I spent more of my time double-checking her work, which didn’t leave me much time to do my own job.  We have someone new starting on May 6, and I feel very hopeful that things will improve.

Going back in time, I’ve been reading a lot of books (a recognized escape from the whirlwind that is my life), and I always post my progress on Goodreads.  (And in case you’re interested, my user name on Goodreads is also EarthAngel2911.)  🙂

Then before that, I was crocheting up a STORM for Christmas gifts.  I had high expectations, and although I only got 3 projects done, they all came out very well.  My brother and his fiancée got scarves (and nice ones made with very nice=expensive wool), and one of my sisters-in-law got a very large afghan made with Lion Brand’s Homespun.  The yarn is a pain to work with if you’re not used to it, but I love love love the self-striping colors they have.  Kitty (SIL) really liked it, and I hear her cats do as well.  (Yeah… I don’t know what it is, but animals are drawn to this yarn for some reason.  I wonder if the manufacturers weave in catnip or something.)

I have been trying to use my cards more, though, and I hope to post some daily readings very soon using the Dreaming Way Tarot, by Rome Choi, published by US Games Systems.  I received a free review copy of the deck, and while it gave me a nice, warm feeling right away, I wasn’t sure how it would read.  But I have really grown attached to it!  I look forward to posting those readings.

Stay tuned!  🙂

I’m Still Here!!

It’s been very busy chunk of months around here, but I am still around.  If you look back several posts (Oct 1 2011), I mentioned a big work project that was coming up.  Well, it came up, all right!!  And didn’t let me go.  I’m only now seeing the light at the end of the tunnel, feeling like I can take a breathe.

I’ve been working until about 3am almost every night, and 6 to 7 days a week since the end of October, which is why no one has seen or heard from me in all these months.  But, like I said, it’s all finally coming together; it should be just a couple more weeks and I should get my life back again!!  Yay! 🙂

Let’s see… what’s happened in the meantime?  (Besides work, I mean.)  I got addicted to soda to keep me awake, which did a number on my teeth.  (Being a tongue cancer survivor, which means very little saliva, my teeth are very susceptible to acids.)  Anyhoo, 3 darned cavities later, after 15 years of no cavities, and I’m now trying to acquire a taste for coffee.  If you get a flavored coffee, and mix in tons of milk with flavored creamers, and 3 packs of Splenda, it’s actually palatable. 🙂  Unfortunately, my plans for attending the Tarot School’s Readers Studio 2012 may not happen this year since one of those cavities morphed into the need for a crown, which is going to cost a pretty penny.  😦   Whaddayagonnado?

Wow, I guess I thought I had more to share, but I guess not, since I haven’t gotten out lately.  But soon, very soon, I would like to start posting with my cards again.  I actually haven’t purchased any new decks lately, though I did receive some pre-purchased decks (Third Edition of MRP’s Baroque Bohemian Cats’ Tarot).

Soon!  Very soon!  😀

Happy October!

October is one of my favorite months.  Autumn is here, and the spirit of Halloween is in the air… and Halloween is my favorite holiday.  🙂  Always being fascinated with the other side of reality, this time of year naturally attracts me.

In the past I’ve spent the whole month of October doing daily draws with US Games Halloween Tarot, but there are so many other great gothic decks out there!   One of my favorites is Magic Realist’s Bohemian Gothic Tarot; it’s dark and mysterious and yet campy.  There’s also the Deviant Moon Tarot, Tarot of Vampyres, Vertigo Tarot, Gothic Tarot of Vampires, Dark Grimoire Tarot, Dark Angels Tarot and the adorably dark Oracle of Shadows and Light.  So many wonderful choices but only four weeks of October!

Now, it’s kind of a tradition for me to use the Halloween Tarot for at least one week, usually the last week of October; it’s just too fun not to use at all!  🙂   I’ve personally used the Deviant Moon and Bohemian Gothic extensively so I’d like to try a couple that I haven’t used a lot.  Last year I acquired Tarot of Vampyres but didn’t use it a lot, so I’ll have to add that to my list, as well as the Dark Angels Tarot.

But I think I’ll start with the Oracle of Shadows and Light.  I don’t usually use oracles (though I have many), so this should be fun.  🙂

Tough Week!

WELL!  I have had a week like you wouldn’t believe.   I did a full Celtic Cross to get a bird’s eye view of the week and the situation surrounding it.  Very telling, I think…

About a year ago I was given a project to find our company a new accounting software package.  I had been keeping my superiors (CFO & CEO)  informed through emails and conversations.  I finally narrowed it down to two packages and this last month I had moved into the stage of getting price quotes from the companies.  I guess, thinking about it right now, I should have had a more formal meeting to give them an update of the different products and what they can do before moving into the price phase.  But I went ahead and got prices and had the meeting when I had all of the information.  Unfortunately, that was at the beginning of the week, and Friday was a quarter-end, meaning one of the companies, who is publicly traded, was trying to meet their own quotas and was rushing us for an answer.

To make a long story short, we were pressured to sign by Friday, but things happened behind the scenes that made the whole situation a powder keg.  We did end up signing, but I feel that trouble may follow.  Now, I have no signing authority; my job was just to collect the information, relay my findings, and give my recommendation.  And that’s what I did.  The rushing to deadline is partly my fault because I got numbers a little late and didn’t have a meeting mid-way through the process.  However, we didn’t have to sign.  On the other hand, I think that it ultimately ended up to our advantage.  Because it was quarter end, we ended up with a price lower than we otherwise would have gotten, with other concessions that will benefit us for years.

The situation that created the “powder keg” is not over, and even though I’m not in the direct line of fire, I’m exposed.  Ok… I know I’m speaking in code, but the story is long.  I’ll post it at the end of the spread for those who are interested.  🙂

1) Situation: Ten of Swords Rx
2) Crosses Situation: Eight of Swords Rx
I read these two cards together, and they certainly do paint a picture.  This whole situation has me at the edge of my stress levels and I feel completely trapped within the situation.  I even thought of going back on my anti-anxiety medication because of the panic attacks that had ensued after Friday.

3) Unknown Factor:  The Tower Rx – I think there is probably more to the “powder keg” event, but because The Tower is reversed, it will probably remain hidden from me.  Fine with me!
4) Quality to Let Go:  Empress – My tendency to nurture and protect others is not going to help me in the current situation.  It’s time to be more forceful and defend myself, if needed.
5) Potential Development:  Eight of Pentacles – Well, I know this card!  Now that we have a new system, I’ll be working like a dog to get it implemented within time and budget constraints.
6) Approaching Influence:  The Devil Rx – I feel that this card represents the CEO, and me being trapped in his underhanded ways (there’s a backstory here).  Because it’s reversed I will probably never know how he’s going to throw me under the bus, but I’m guessing the probability is high that he will.

That bottom right quadrant of the first 6 cards are enough to give me a headache, but I really think they give a solid picture to how awful my week has been.  I know it’s not over, but I do hope that the effect to me and my job are minimal.

7) Me As I See Myself:  Nine of Pentacles – I feel as I have accomplished something of magnitude; I was given a full project and I was being tested by my CFO, and I feel I passed, though not without some stumbles.  But a co-worker, with whom I have a tenuous relationship, even complimented me and said I should be proud of myself for what I accomplished.  Wow!  Never saw that coming!  😉
8) How Others See Me:  Ten of Wands – After I turned over this card, I had to laugh.  Guess other people don’t see what I do!  But I see their point; I look overburdened by all that I took on.  I’m sure my occasional comments, like “You can’t buy Valium over the counter, can you?” contributed to the way they see me.
9) Guidance:  Six of Cups – I have to remember, as I start to feel overwhelmed, to reconnect with the things that make me happy from the inside out: Tarot, reading, walks in nature.
10)  Most Likely Result:  Nine of Swords – Well, great.  Guess this situation is the gift that keeps on giving.  Sleepless nights are not over, I guess.  Maybe I should think about that anti-anxiety medicine….  😉

If I look at a snapshot of this reading, I see:
Four reversals  (all related to events around me and how they’ve been affecting me)
3 Major Arcana  (Hmmm…  Felt like more!)
1 Wands
1 Cups
3 Swords  (8, 9, and 10)
2 Pentacles
No suits were missing, but there was definite emphasis on the Majors and Swords, with 2 of each being reversed. 
If I add up all the minors (10+8+3+8+9+10+6+9) I get 63, which reduces to 9 (6+3), the end of a cycle.  Hopefully that means that this whole situation is being wrapped up so that my new cycle of implementing the software can begin.
If I include the Majors into the numerology (10+8+16+3+8+15+9+10+6+9) I get 94, which reduces to 13, which is the Death card.  This whole situation has exposed me to some politics within the company that I’ve never been directly involved in before, and that has affected how I see my place within the organization.  Maybe this has started a transition for me and will lead to more responsibility…

Ok… the “powder keg” – I don’t even know how to explain this.  The person that the CFO and CEO report to is the owner of the company.  And he is… tough.  He’s eccentric and it’s always hard to predict how he’ll react to things.  This whole process was not supposed to be a big deal; we needed a new accounting software system, the last one acquired being 12 years ago, and it would have been as simple as finding one and signing on the dotted line.  I mean, don’t get me wrong, all the other stress would have been there.  But one of the meetings had legal counsel in attendance (why, I’m not sure), and that person, when approached by the owner asking about the reason for the meeting, told him about our search for an accounting system (he probably should just have said that we were going over accounting matters).  Well, that threw the owner into a fit of anger.  (And here’s where his unpredictability comes in.)  Even though he never gets involved in the day-to-day running of the company, he was obviously upset by the knowledge that we’re going to be entering into a new financial obligation.  And that’s not the whole “powder keg” I was talking about!  The CEO went ahead and signed without the go-ahead by the owner.

And here’s the backstory of the CEO.  Now he was telling me point-by-point of how he was going to defend his position to the owner, and he has solid points.   The owner is out of town right now, so this hasn’t come to a head yet.  Hopefully when it does, he’ll see why the purchase was a good idea.  But the CEO has a constant habit of trying to make himself look good by making others look bad.  He’s done it to everyone surrounding him, including me more than once.  Others have seen it and are aware of it, and it doesn’t actually make him (CEO) look good, but I really think it’s something that he doesn’t even realize he’s doing.  Anyway, as CEO was leaving the office last night, he said to me, “Congratulations, you have your new accounting system, and I’ll be losing my job.”  ???  Excuse me?  So I KNOW that when it comes to defending his reason for signing on the dotted line, my name is going to come up in the conversation for one of the people to blame.  (Devil Rx)  There’s no real way to avoid it; I can just hope that my CFO, who I work more directly for, will have my back if he’s in that particular conversation.  <sigh>  What can you do?  Right?  😉  It’s just now I will be completely exposed when it comes to implementing this system.  I’m going to HAVE to make sure it goes smoothly without any cost overruns.  And I’ve done this before; you can never predict what you’re going to run into when you’re moving to something new. 

I did another Celtic Cross spread for the implementation itself, but I’ll post that later.  🙂

Congratulations if you finished this whole post!!  It was a LONG one!

In Memoriam

I’ve spent much of the last week watching all the 9/11 specials on cable, shedding tears for the thousands that perished that day.  And here it is, the end of day on the 10th anniversary of a day I’ll never forget, and I feel as if I should post something profound.  But I’m afraid that words are failing me tonight.

I can tell you exactly where I was and what I was doing that morning.  I also remember reading on the Tarot boards around the internet of how many people had drawn the Tower card that day, before anything had happened.  The Universe already had that energy flowing through It, I suppose.

Myself, I was walking into work.  I remember that it was a gorgeous day because I was singing the song from Mr. Rogers Neighborhood, “It’s a beautiful day in the neighborhood, a beautiful day in the neighborhood….”  And after I found out what had happened, and had spent the whole morning watching various news coverage, I felt so guilty for singing that song.   So many people suffering, so much loss, and I had been singing a happy song.   And even though I know that the two things really had nothing to do with one another, I’ve never been able to sing that song again.  It just hurts too much.

May God and Goddess bless the survivors and help bring them peace.  May we never forget the heroic efforts of the firemen and policemen that gave their lives saving others.  I will never forget.

I’m Back!

I’m in the process of moving my blog, and this post was originally posted Oct. 25, 2010:

Well, it’s been one year since Robyn died, and I discovered that I’ve been grieving all wrong, if there is such a thing.  I haven’t played with my tarot cards for almost the whole year, feeling as if too much is missing if I don’t have anyone to share them with.

Then a few weeks ago, I did a little reading with the Mythical Goddess Tarot using an iPod app I have, and it seemed so profound that I jotted down some notes.  As I did, I swear I could feel Robyn near me, and I just felt as if we were sharing the spread together.  What a great feeling!  So little by little I’ve been using my cards again, and when I do, I feel close to Robyn.  And since that’s the best I’m going to be able to do, I’m going to spend a lot more time with my tarot decks and maybe her absence won’t hurt so much.  🙂

I think I’ve also decided to try a couple of other blog setups as opposed to using the WordPress blog that goes along with my website.  There just aren’t many fun templates to play with (at least not that I’ve been able to figure out), and it just looks boring.  So, I’m playing around on this blog, but don’t be surprised if you see various different looks as I try to find one that really like.  So far, I like the colors and set up of this one, but I reserve the right to choose different templates as the mood strikes.  🙂

Blessings to My Dearest Friend, starladyxvii

I’m in the process of moving my blog, and this post was originally posted Dec. 7, 2009:

So much has been happening in my life in the last few months, it’s sent everything into a tailspin. But I think I’m beginning to feel the urge to get back into my groove. Back in Sept, my husband’s brother passed away, and just today we went through his household items that we’ve had stored in our garage.

And on October 17, 2009, my best friend passed away from lung cancer. Only two and a half months passed from the time she found out to the time she passed, certainly not enough time to get my mind around the fact that I’m never going to talk to her again. It’s been very difficult for me.

I met Robyn on the first online tarot group that I ever joined, MSN’s JB’s Tarot for Beginners. It was created from the first online Barnes & Noble University class and she and I were some of the first members, dating back to 2002. We spent many years talking about our favorite decks, what we loved about them, what we didn’t like about other decks; she was my Tarot Touchstone. And since she’s passed, Tarot just hasn’t held the magic that it once did. She was an incredibly special person in my life, and she’ll be greatly missed!

But in the last couple of days I have felt the stirrings of interest in Tarot again, and I’m hoping that I can rekindle my original love, despite her absence.

Robyn Steffens, aka starladyxvii
May the Goddess Protect and Keep You

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